Chapter 2

I can really see the forces of all things sometimes: two basketball teams going head to head, back and forth, each playing with the will to win but only one can and only one will. Little plant pushing up to the air and sun against earth and gravity, against competition and danger. Against death. Duckling versus predator. Male lion versus male lion. Everything fighting for its space and place to occupy and live in, in the world. There is so much energy and force active in the universe. It reminds me of the AT fields in Evangelion. It's weird. I'm sure it's something only humans can thoughtfully and consciously detect and postulate and know. It's telling us something about all of this and reality and what “this” is - like what all of this is. It's not arbitrary, not even the basketball thing. A lot of people can look at a game of basketball and not see much of anything. That's a lack of development as a human being. We evolved for a reason. We are what we are for a reason. Boxers in a ring, water flowing, sunlight beaming. How many people forget about the fact that the sun is a star and its energy and light is reaching all the way out here to us. We feel ITS warmth. We see ITS light. Our planet revolves around it, depends on it. Yes, I can see it. The ducks don't know. We know. And really, I don't even know, but other humans figured it out and they knew and they passed it on. Without them, I know nothing. There's a reason for that. I trust them (some of them) because I have to. Because I know I cannot and could not do it all alone. There's a reason for that. I don’t know math. I can’t do it but Galileo or some shit did know math. Einstein knew math. But I know I need to do better and do more and "go even further beyond.” I know this is not enough so I'm not going to be complacent. I will definitely keep trying for forever or as long as it takes and I'll go with the cycles and the regressions and all of it. I know I can be aware of more and learn more. And the truth about what you just read in this chapter is that I copy/pasted text messages of mine from a conversation I had into a note on my phone and then edited it for coherence and flow and punctuation. Then I posted it here for you.